


No Wine Untasted

by ceralynn



Series: It's Crazy How Much Better I Am At Acting Than You [1]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: M/M, Roleplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 20:03:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3353546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceralynn/pseuds/ceralynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mac and Dennis Roleplay: Lovely Ladies, Les Miserables</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Wine Untasted

"And this settles it, alright?"

"Alright! Yes!"

"Because if I hear another word about that stupid French movie after this, I'm gonna hit you, I swear to God."

Dennis stood at the doorway of Mac's bedroom, decked in a one hundred percent accurate, green-and-white, turn-of-the-nineteenth-century gown. He'd bugged Frank for weeks for the cash for it, but the hassle was worth it: this purchase didn't need to show up on either of credit histories for future examination and ridicule. Torn and tattered a bit, Dennis was also sporting tasteful whore make up and a line of capsule blood inching from his lip.

"You're a perfect Fantine, dude," Mac grinned. "You're like Anne Hathaway, minus the weird mouth."

Dennis had brought this on himself, he realized. Mac and Charlie had begged him to take them to "the miserable lesbians movie" because it looked, as Charlie said, "classy as hell." Having been too selfish and cheap to get them actual Christmas presents (and operating under the assumption that they'd hate it anyway), he'd brought them and prepared for a night of complaining and shushing, particularly Mac during the women abuse parts. He should have known, between the zealous devotion to God and the law and the "totally badass" pursuit of a wronged criminal, they'd both fall in love with Javert for all the wrong reasons. And by this point, he'd do just about anything to get Mac to stop singing "Stars" in the shower every night.

"Did you memorize the lyrics, dude?"

"Mac, I've been hearing that shit since I was a child. I couldn't get those lyrics out of my head with a bullet."

Mac just smiled. "Awesome."

Mac himself was dressed in his best impression of a police inspector's uniform, which looked curiously similar to the Nazi uniform Dennis had sworn he saw burning so many years ago. He thought for a moment to question it but decided the quicker they got this over with, the better. He'd also adamently insisted they do this in Mac's room. As much as Mac would appreciate the masturbation material, there needed to be no proof of this whatsoever.

Mac clapped his hands and rubbed them together, standing up from the bed. "Alright! Are you ready?"

Dennis sighed. "I guess, man."

"Alright, go. Wait wait wait!" Mac shut his eyes and and waved a hand across his face, getting into character. "Alright. Go."

Dennis sighed again, taking Mac's hand awkwardly, and sang in his best soprano impression, "Come on, Captain—"

"Inspector."

" _Inspector_ , you can wear your shoes." He led Mac three steps to the bed— "Don't it make a change to have a girl who can't refuse?" —and laid down.

"Easy money, lying on a bed."

Mac smiled, crawling on top. Dennis sang, half meaning it, "Just as well, they never see the hate that's in your head." He watched Mac inch the skirt up, just as he'd see in the film.

"Don't they know they're making love to one already dead~?"

Dennis felt Mac enter him and winced, half-expecting Mac to be finished right then.

"Oh, god, you feel amazing.."

"Not the line."

"Oh, right. ..how does it start again."

Dennis glared. "'Tell me quickly..'"

"Right!" Mac started thrusting, vaguely in time with his voice. "Tell me quickly, what's the story? Who s-saw what and why and where?" He leaned down, Nazi/Inspector hat sliding askew. "Let him g-give a full description, let him answer to Javert~"

For a moment, Dennis was thankful for the sex; Mac was distractingly off-key and he knew he couldn't tolerate it as the full focus of his attention. But the next moment he realized how erratic his own breath was becoming and how difficult it was to maintain a head voice like this.

"Th-there's a child who sorely needs me~ Please M'sieur, s-she's bout that high," he moaned. "Holy.. oh, _God_ , is there n-no mercy? I-If I go to jail, she'll die~"

Mac grinned, surprisingly more involved with the lyrics than his own performance. "I-I have heard such protestations, every d-day for twenty years. Let's have n-no more explanations, save your breath and save your tears." He leaned down, practically whispered, "Honest work, just reward, th-that's the way to please the Lord.."

Dennis felt him slowing him down and sighed for the thirtieth time that evening, this time in relief. "Th-there, was that worth it?"

"Wh..? N-no, dude, I'm not off yet."

"..well then hurry up!!"

"No, dude! There has to be singing, that's the whole point!"

"Well you should have memorized more!"

Mac pouted, clearly in crisis, while Dennis glared at various places in the ceiling.

"..c-can you just hum that song where she's crying?"

Dennis looked at him hard. "And when I'm done, that will be the last note of that goddamn musical ever to be sung in this apartment."

Mac leaned down and kissed him. "Totally."


End file.
